This morning, when I looked back at the pages I wrote from the previous day, I saw that I had written, “Let my work speak for me.” That line was the only thing that saved my obsessive thoughts about missing an opportunity. I obsess over mis-takes. In high school when the other team missed a shot, we’d shout “AIIIIIR BALLLL!!!!!”. We made sure the opposing player knew they’d messed up. Ick! I don’t play ball on the basketball court, nor do I have a favorite team but I was a cheerleader and like my mom, I loved watching the game. I can imagine the excitement of dribbling, passing and going for a shot. We emulate this is in life, right?
Side note: The presidential debates was such a terrible game last night that it should have been forfeited. Now, seemingly, free shots can win or lose the game. Screaming AIIIR BAAALLLL to the opposing team is a mental shot. And it takes a lot of mental muscle to overcome miss what could have been a winning shot- opportunity. For me, in order to not consume myself with my own missteps, I have to write out my worry. I write until the pages grow weary of my complaints. The paper is forgiving and consumes it all. Remember that.
I get back in the game and play for the win.
I wonder though if there is something else to look at here. Like…can you win the game even when the free throws are missed? Are we even playing a game? When did this even become a game? What business am I in?